FINISH HIM!!!

Violent video games aren't bad for you! I don't care who says it, I will never be changed for the worse by having played Mortal Kombat, Halo, Call of Duty, Splatterhouse, or any other mindless game where I kill just for fun. When I worked at Lamestop I'd have people ask stupid questions all the time! A lot of people were jerks when I told them that their game was worthless and that I couldn't trade it in because there was a huge crack in the disc. Then they retaliated by saying "What? There isn't a crack there when I brought it here! What did you do to it?!" But it didn't bother me at all! I just went to my happy place!

In my happy place, the world around me and the person who annoyed me got dark. Our eyes locked in an epic showdown and I heard a voice in the background yell "FINISH HIM!" I then thought, "forward, down, forward, triangle!" I pulled out a shovel and dismembered him over and over again. When there was nothing left to dismember, I repeatedly bashed his skull in with his own leg. And then I held his spine up triumphantly for the whole world to see! I heard the same voice yell "FLAWLESS VICTORY!"

I then snapped back to reality and said... "Would you like to subscribe to Game Informer?"